Marriage is a religious institution and a social construct: Why the hot, young minister at your church won't pursue and/or marry an overweight coke, a wheelchair bound ginger ale, even if she really is a holy, pure and Proverbs 31 woman.
Many Christians disagree with this idea. To quote a guy from The Daily Jolt, another Christian blog: "Marriage is not a social construct. It is an institution ordained by God, initiated by God and held in sacred esteem by God." Yes, I totally believe that God ordained and designed marriage. I totally believe that it's sacred. Marriage was the first human institution that God ever created. However, marriage is also a social construct.
The fact is, society has a huge influence on rules of marriage. Biblically and otherwise. Let's not kid ourselves. Who we take out on dates, take home to our parents, take to the altar, and take to our (marriage) beds are deeply rooted in our cultural conditioning.
Yes, Christian men should be choosing a Proverbs 31 woman. I hear that preached and spoken about all the time. I know a lot of Christian guys are praying for that. But they also have a have a distinct picture of what this Proverbs 31 woman of their dreams looks like. Take a twentysomething pastor. He probably wouldn't dream of pursuing a relationship with a girl who was 100 pounds overweight, no matter how holy, pure, or Proverbs 31 she would be. As I look around churches in the country, and I see young up and coming pastors, they ALWAYS have fit, traditionally pretty wives. Have you noticed that? That all young pastor's wives all kind of look the same? They all look like the prototype AKAs. There are many Christian guys who would never pursue a relationship with coke, iced tea, ginger ale, physically handicapped, or overweight girl, regardless of how holy, pure, and Proverbs 31 she might be.
Why? Because we choose mates on who we were conditioned to find socially acceptable. Chances are, even if you've grown up in Christian household where you were taught to love all of God's children: tall and short, coke and sprite, slim and large, you probably have a clear list of deal breakers based on how you raised. It's one thing to go to church, or be friends with a certain type of person, but it's an entire different ball game when we talk about being intimate with them, and having children by them. There's a good chance that if you brought a particular type of soda home to your parents, they'd be confused or maybe even disappointed.
My point is, are these sociological preferences that we have godly? Are they based on the Word? I read this one story on the Net about a Christian guy who would only pursue a large-breasted girl, because that was the "desire of his heart" and since he delighted himself the Lord, he was entitled to the desire of his heart. So he'd eliminate all girls below a D cup as incompatible spouses. And he even had a scripture to back up his nonsense. So he was ONLY looking for a Proverbs 31 woman with big boobs. This isn't godly.
SOLUTION:
Most pastors would agree with that statement. What does "social construct" mean? That simply means that the rules, norms, and practices are defined and described by society, time, place and culture.
Many Christians disagree with this idea. To quote a guy from The Daily Jolt, another Christian blog: "Marriage is not a social construct. It is an institution ordained by God, initiated by God and held in sacred esteem by God." Yes, I totally believe that God ordained and designed marriage. I totally believe that it's sacred. Marriage was the first human institution that God ever created. However, marriage is also a social construct.
The fact is, society has a huge influence on rules of marriage. Biblically and otherwise. Let's not kid ourselves. Who we take out on dates, take home to our parents, take to the altar, and take to our (marriage) beds are deeply rooted in our cultural conditioning.
Yes, Christian men should be choosing a Proverbs 31 woman. I hear that preached and spoken about all the time. I know a lot of Christian guys are praying for that. But they also have a have a distinct picture of what this Proverbs 31 woman of their dreams looks like. Take a twentysomething pastor. He probably wouldn't dream of pursuing a relationship with a girl who was 100 pounds overweight, no matter how holy, pure, or Proverbs 31 she would be. As I look around churches in the country, and I see young up and coming pastors, they ALWAYS have fit, traditionally pretty wives. Have you noticed that? That all young pastor's wives all kind of look the same? They all look like the prototype AKAs. There are many Christian guys who would never pursue a relationship with coke, iced tea, ginger ale, physically handicapped, or overweight girl, regardless of how holy, pure, and Proverbs 31 she might be.
Why? Because we choose mates on who we were conditioned to find socially acceptable. Chances are, even if you've grown up in Christian household where you were taught to love all of God's children: tall and short, coke and sprite, slim and large, you probably have a clear list of deal breakers based on how you raised. It's one thing to go to church, or be friends with a certain type of person, but it's an entire different ball game when we talk about being intimate with them, and having children by them. There's a good chance that if you brought a particular type of soda home to your parents, they'd be confused or maybe even disappointed.
My point is, are these sociological preferences that we have godly? Are they based on the Word? I read this one story on the Net about a Christian guy who would only pursue a large-breasted girl, because that was the "desire of his heart" and since he delighted himself the Lord, he was entitled to the desire of his heart. So he'd eliminate all girls below a D cup as incompatible spouses. And he even had a scripture to back up his nonsense. So he was ONLY looking for a Proverbs 31 woman with big boobs. This isn't godly.
SOLUTION:
is to get around, socialize with guys who are praying for someone who looks like you. At my church, given it's demographic and pattern of fiancee/wife selection, I'm not high on the most desired list. In fact, I'm probably near the bottom. I know this. That's not a diss on them. That doesn't make them bad. This doesn't mean I'm not beautiful, or worthy of love. I so am, thankyouverymuch. The guys I'm around at church (I'm guessing)just don't think so. God gave me legs, so I made an effort to GO and socialize with guys who just might find me attractive.
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1 comment:
I’m proud of you. It's a step in the right direction. The natural structure of any large organized group lends the most favor to the highest on the pyramid. The CEO will preach about cutting costs while awarding his board bonuses. The structure of the church can be the same way. It’s human nature. At some point we have to analyze weather our own agendas are factored into the direction of the group we belong to. All is well for its leaders because their needs are being served while preaching the word. It’s easy for the Sprite Zeros to preach about a restricted pool of mates because they are big fishes in the very small pond they and their potential suitors help create. No one will sleep a minute less worrying about the challenges you personally meet as a minority member. You’re role by default will have been to stay on this path as support staff for those the institution was built to promote. As an outsider, it was always difficult to integrate with my old church, knowing that not only was I a minority but I would be treated different because of cultural differences that are part of our basic Operating Systems. I was very open minded at first but then quickly realized that real life rules applied to even the most Godly of institutions.
I think you will have no problem finding Love, and Marriage in God’s grace. I don’t think you should automatically rule out a man because he is not a devout Christian. There are those waiting for the right woman to nudge them into completely giving their life to Christ. I know because I was one of those guys ;-).You are Pretty, smart and talented and the right man will, without doubt, walk along side you to Gods footsteps.
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