Are you praying the wrong prayer?

If you do what you've what always done, you'll get what you always got.

Should you be praying for your mate? Most definitely. Like I've said before, prayer is only part of the equation, so let's discuss the prayer aspect.

For example...The common prayer is "Lord, send me a husband." That's what I prayed. It can be more elaborate, and filled with more adjectives: "Lord, send me a tall, nice, rich, saved, fun, kind, etc. but the prayer remains the same. I imagine that's the same prayers many single people are praying the world over.

How's that working out? If you've been praying the same prayer for years and years and to no avail, maybe it's time to try something new.

Pray a new prayer, and try something new. We'll get to the "try something new" part later. But for now, let's start with the prayer.

How do people get married? If movies are any indication, this is how it works:
1. boy meets girl
2.boy gets girl
3.boy asks girls to marry him
4. girl says yes
5. happily ever after

So for the sake of argument, let's just say that this is how it works. What step are having problems with? Are you having a problem meeting guys? I know many a Christian girl say, "There just aren't any guys in my church that I like." or "There aren't any guys," or "There are a couple of guys at my church that I might be interested in, but they never talk to me." If you aren't meeting any guys, then that's a step 1 problem. You aren't meeting any new guys. Since it's very likely that the man you will marry will be a new guy, your whole "happily ever after" begins with you meeting a new guy. We keep praying for the step 5. Prayer wise, we totally ignore the whole process that gets us to step 5. So let's start with step 1.



Instead of "Lord, send my husband," why not start praying, "Lord, help me to meet new guys. Show me how to interact with new guys in ways that please you, show me how to be more appealing to the opposite sex. Show me how to be more social, friendly, and attractive."

Show me how to be more appealing and attractive? Yep. Guys, especially Christian guys, want a attractive girl. What "attractive" means is different for every guy, but it certainly won't hurt you to look and act more appealing. I'm not talking about being fake or ditzy; I'm simply talking about being a better looking and more appealing you. Even if you do somehow find yourself in a hot, single, saved guys convention, if they don't find you appealing, then no step 5 for you.

But if, you are being the most genuine, social, appealing, attractive self that you can be, then the guys you meet will be attracted to you. If they are attracted to you....Well, you get the idea.


Are you comfortable around guys? Can you hold, or better yet start, a conversation with a guy? Are you afraid of them? If you're afraid or uncomfortable, then there's another prayer you should be praying. There's this girl I know that goes to a church far from where I am. Far, far away. Anyway, this girl who's 23, that I know had a crush on a 24 year-old guy in her church. I asked her if she'd ever talked to him.

"Me? Talk to him? No way! What would I even say?" She said sheepishly.

"Didn't you go to the same college? He knows who you are, right?"

"Yeah, he does, but still. I just don't know what I'd say!"

"So talk to him once."

"I can't. You just don't understand!"

"What are you afraid of?"

"I dunno. I really don't know," she admitted.

My dear sister and friend is too paralyzed by a fear that she can't name to even talk to a Christian guy, a Christian guy who, by all accounts was friendly. A guy she went to college with! She's afraid, and doesn't even know why she's afraid. This fear definitely stands in the way of her step 1. God hasn't given her a spirit of fear, but of love power, and a sound mind. (2 Tim. 1:7) Her prayer then, should be: "Lord, help me to not be afraid. Lord, deliver me from my fear of hot guys."

But if, you are being the most genuine, social, appealing, attractive self that you can be, then the guys you meet will be attracted to you. If they are attracted to you....Well, you get the idea.

So, start with a step 1 prayer. What's the worse that could happen?

Watch Tough Love 1 and 2 on VH1.com

Hey everyone....

I love watching Tough Love on VH1! The season just ended last week, but you can watch every episode on VH1.com.

Why should you watch it? It's not a Christian show, but you should DEFINITELY watch this show if you are looking, hoping, and praying for love to come into your life.

The show really shows me the power of change in a woman's life. These girls went through an amazing emotional overhaul as they learned lessons about themselves, life, and love. The lessons that they learned are lessons that all women who are looking for love need to learn.

1. Why guys weren't attracted to them and what they could do to change their minds

Most Cgirls just think, "Oh, that guy's not attracted to me. Nothing I can do about that. Must not be God's will for me." The truth is, you can be more attractive. Learning about how Cguys perceive you (needy, desperate, stupid, too tough, nerdy, annoying, boring, etc.) and learning how to change that are keys to success in dating and love.

2. Issues that keep them from love

In Dating Boot Camp, host Steve Ward (who's a major cutie, btw) helped the girls confront issues in their past that stood in their way: forgiveness, self esteem, body issues, abuse, relationships with their fathers, previous relationships, etc. Once they got down to it, they really grew. Watching this has made me prayerfully confront issues of abuse and body issues that I've struggled with in my own life. I encourage you to do the same. Being saved and in church doesn't mean that you don't have serious issues that you need to confront and be healed from. Seeking help from a trained professional or support group are excellent ways to let go and let God. See if your church has any such classes.

3. How not to be a total sleeve

Steve really took the girls based on their issues and helped them to improve. Golddigger Girl learned to appreciate guys for more than their money. Miss Closed Off learned to be open to love. Miss Tomboy learned not be one of the boys all of the time, etc. I could see little bits of myself in all of the girls on the show. Miss Judgmental learned to not be so judgmental. I used to think, "I've been saved since I was 11. I just don't have any of these issues." I was sooooo wrong. Just because you've been saved since you were 3 cells old doesn't mean you aren't a judgmental, tomboy, golddigger. Saved and beautiful as you are, you can have a myriad of issues that really affect your love life.

4. A change in attitude and behavior go a looooong way

I love watching the girls learn, grow, and change and get good guys. It's amazing to see all of the tiny ways in which their lives have changed for the better. I used to think that my dating fate was set in stone. If I wasn't getting guys, then there was nothing that I could do about it. Let me tell you: the devil is a liar! Watching these once hapless, needy, confused, man-less girls morph into confident, strong, honest women w/boyfriends inspired me. You too, can learn, change your behavior, and walk into the relationship(s) that God has for you.

Love is abundant,

RDH

I'm baaaaack....

Hey everyone!

It's been too long.

I've been thinking, writing, sharing...Just not typing. My last laptop was kaput. I've a brand-new used one so I'm ready to write again. Look for a ton of information in the upcoming days.....