I'm encouraging you!

Some one asked me, "What are you trying to do with your blog? Are you trying to discourage people?"

No, not at all. On the contrary!

I'm encouraging you! That's what this blog is all about, encouraging you try something new in your love life.

Yes, I talk about stats and facts that appear discouraging. I'm telling you this because there are roadblocks that stand in your path to relationships/marriage. These are roadblocks that maybe your pastor, parent, other leader probably aren't even aware of. I'm telling you about these roadblocks so that you can overcome them. You have to know your enemy in order to defeat your enemy. You have to hope against hope. You have to know what you're up against in order to stage the best offensive attack that you can.

This battle is spiritual and physical. I'm telling you what you're up against so you wage a better spiritual battle! I'm saying all of these things so that you, like Abraham, can hope against hope. (Hebrews 11) You've got to be like a spiritual ninja. The Word is your sword that you have got to use to slice up the lies of the enemy.

I'm helping you be aware of hindrances so that you can avoid them in Jesus' name. That's my goal.

I'm encouraging you to go forth, like Ruth.
I'm encouraging you to take bold, faith-filled steps in the direction of relationships.
I'm encouraging you analyze your particular and unique dating situation.
I'm encouraging you to let go of erroneous teachings (from man) and cling to God's truth.
I'm encouraging you to get intentional about your dating/love life.
I'm encouraging you to be strong.
I'm encouraging you to trust God in ways that maybe you haven't considered.
I'm encouraging you to take action.
I'm encouraging you to believe God like you've never believed before.

You're more than a conqueror,
RDH

Waiting on the LORD: Why dating IS waiting

"I'm not going to date. I'm just going to wait on God."

I used to tell everybody this. I used to believe that dating was the opposite of waiting on God. Now, I have a different perspective.


I've grown up in church. I got the idea that if you want a mate, you just wait (if you're a girl) and one day, a sanctified prince charming would notice you from across the aisle and boom marriage. Or better yet, a young, out-of-town guest minister would notice my holy radiance from the pulpit, and just know deep down in his spirit that I was the one for him. He would see the holy halo of purity radiating from my heart and head, and just know I was the Proverbs 31 woman he'd been praying for his whole life. Have you been taught a similar "minister from out of town story?" I know a few people from different walks of life who were taught slight variations on the EXACT same story.

The idea is that you, as a Christian girl, DON'T DO ANYTHING. Just go to church, work, school, home etc. Then, it would come naturally, because he who finds a wife finds a good thing. So don't try to be found, don't try to look. Just sit and look meek, humble, and holy. Don't go on the internet dating sites. That's "helping God out." You don't want to do that. Don't start a conversation with a guy. That's "pursuing him." You don't want that, either. Just "Wait on the Lord and be of good courage...." or another scripture about waiting on God. And dating is leaning on your own understanding, and not waiting on God.

Here's what I'm thinking. Dating IS waiting. Just because you accept a coffee or dinner date with a guy doesn't mean you aren't waiting on God. You are; you are waiting to see if he's a compatible man of character and personality. There's nothing that you can do to bring that person in your life. The only thing you can do is get in position to receive it. You don't know where it's coming from: it COULD be church, but it could also be a dating site. It could be from a guy in traffic. It could be from a guy at Aldi, a football game, a car wash, pep rally, rest stop, sci-fi convention, zoo, gym, spelling bee, bowling alley, Farmer's Market, aquarium, gas station, ANYWHERE. It could be a cousin of a friend. It could be friend of a cousin. Keep your options open. Open your options! It's like a game of baseball. If you want to catch the ball in the outfield, you gotta keep your head up, look around the field and be mobile. It's okay to go places, smile, be friendly, strike up a conversation with a guy.

If you go on a dating site, you're still waiting on God. If that is the means that God uses to bring love into your life, you still have to wait for Him to make that happen. You're putting your profile on there so that dream guy can find you. If you're single, and praying for a mate, you can have 8 dates a week with 8 different guys and you are still waiting. You don't know which or if it's one of the 8. I'm exaggerating a bit with the numbers, but point is, if you are prayerfully seeking God about your mate, then dating is waiting. You are waiting on God to prosper your love life.

I'm not talking about taking action because "God is taking too long." I'm talking about taking action because you know that God has great plans (Jeremiah 29:11) for you, and this great plan might involve you stepping up and taking action. Ruth, from the book of Ruth in the Bible, stepped up and took action so that she could walk in her destiny. Ruth probably would have stayed gleaning the fields, being a glorified beggar. God set her up and blessed her with favor, but the difference between Ruth the beggar widow and Ruth the wealthy wife was the bold, faith filled ACTION that she took. (Read the story. It's in the Bible. )

If you want to get a job, you send out resumes. No one considers that not waiting on God to get a job. If you want God to bless you with a job, you pray, put out resumes, check classifieds, all that stuff. And when you get a job, you say: "Thank you Jesus for blessing me with a job!" (At least, that's what I say. :) Nobody considers sending resumes and answering classified ads as "helping God out." God IS the Source regardless of how it comes to pass.

Think about what I'm saying. Pray about it.I did the whole "I'm going to wait and not date" thing for years. It wasn't because I felt God wanted me to. It was because that's what everybody told me God wanted me to do. There's a big difference between the two. I don't think there's one exact plan for everybody. But if you have been REFUSING to do anything, you might want to think and pray about changing that game plan. We serve a very creative God. Allow Him some freedom creativity in writing your love story. :)

Love,
RDH

For a really great article on waiting on God, check out: http://bible.org/article/waiting-lord

Psalm 27:14 Wait on the LORD...
They that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength....Isaiah 41:
Psalm 37:9For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.
Psalm 130:5 I rely on the Lord, I rely on him with my whole being; I wait for his assuring word. 6 I yearn for the Lord, more than watchmen do for the morning, yes, more than watchmen do for the morning.

For a really great article on waiting on God, check out: http://bible.org/article/waiting-lord

It's all about what you think: Why your thoughts are standing in the way of you getting a mate

Cool article... I didn't write this, but I totally agree that your thoughts can stand in the way of you getting a mate. Limiting beliefs can totally stand in your way. Get rid of them and think positive in Jesus' name!

The article is not as spiritual as I would like, but you can add your own Biblical knowledge to it.

Are+You+Sabotaging+Your+Love+Life?+Top+10+Limiting+Beliefs+in+Lovehttp://www.bvonlove.com/2009/09/24/are-you-sabotaging-your-love-life-top-10-limiting-beliefs-in-lo/

What this blog is all about...

What’s the point of this blog? My main points are:

If you’re a twentysomething (or thirtysomething or more) and you’ve been praying, hoping and wishing for a mate for a while now, it’s time to try something new.

People, such as parents and pastors, may mean well when they give you advice about dating, but their view might be somewhat limited.

A lot of the advice and reasons that people give on how to find a mate and testify about how they found a mate is either: short-sighted, nonsensical, non-applicable, illogical, or unbiblical.

If you want to get in a relationship, it’s going to take the proper mix of spiritual activity (prayer, fasting, seeking, serving etc.) and intentional action (going places, meeting people, and joining a dating site etc.)

This blog will explain why:
Traditional advice can be short-sighted, nonsensical, non-applicable, illogical, or unbiblical.

This blog will describe:
A new prayer strategy, how and what to pray in a direction you’ve never prayed before
Intentional actions that you can take so you can meet and date good potential mates.

I will take questions and respond to criticism, offer advice, and encourage people to trust God and move forward in their dating lives.

Marriage and Society: Why the hot, young pastor at your church won't pick you

You've got to understand what a Christian guy wants in a girl.

Marriage is a religious institution and a social construct: Why the hot, young minister at your church won't pursue and/or marry an overweight coke, a wheelchair bound ginger ale, even if she really is a holy, pure and Proverbs 31 woman.

Most pastors would agree with that statement. What does "social construct" mean? That simply means that the rules, norms, and practices are defined and described by society, time, place and culture.

Many Christians disagree with this idea. To quote a guy from The Daily Jolt, another Christian blog: "Marriage is not a social construct. It is an institution ordained by God, initiated by God and held in sacred esteem by God." Yes, I totally believe that God ordained and designed marriage. I totally believe that it's sacred. Marriage was the first human institution that God ever created. However, marriage is also a social construct.

The fact is, society has a huge influence on rules of marriage. Biblically and otherwise. Let's not kid ourselves. Who we take out on dates, take home to our parents, take to the altar, and take to our (marriage) beds are deeply rooted in our cultural conditioning.

Yes, Christian men should be choosing a Proverbs 31 woman. I hear that preached and spoken about all the time. I know a lot of Christian guys are praying for that. But they also have a have a distinct picture of what this Proverbs 31 woman of their dreams looks like. Take a twentysomething pastor. He probably wouldn't dream of pursuing a relationship with a girl who was 100 pounds overweight, no matter how holy, pure, or Proverbs 31 she would be. As I look around churches in the country, and I see young up and coming pastors, they ALWAYS have fit, traditionally pretty wives. Have you noticed that? That all young pastor's wives all kind of look the same? They all look like the prototype AKAs. There are many Christian guys who would never pursue a relationship with coke, iced tea, ginger ale, physically handicapped, or overweight girl, regardless of how holy, pure, and Proverbs 31 she might be.

Why? Because we choose mates on who we were conditioned to find socially acceptable. Chances are, even if you've grown up in Christian household where you were taught to love all of God's children: tall and short, coke and sprite, slim and large, you probably have a clear list of deal breakers based on how you raised. It's one thing to go to church, or be friends with a certain type of person, but it's an entire different ball game when we talk about being intimate with them, and having children by them. There's a good chance that if you brought a particular type of soda home to your parents, they'd be confused or maybe even disappointed.

My point is, are these sociological preferences that we have godly? Are they based on the Word? I read this one story on the Net about a Christian guy who would only pursue a large-breasted girl, because that was the "desire of his heart" and since he delighted himself the Lord, he was entitled to the desire of his heart. So he'd eliminate all girls below a D cup as incompatible spouses. And he even had a scripture to back up his nonsense. So he was ONLY looking for a Proverbs 31 woman with big boobs. This isn't godly.

SOLUTION:

is to get around, socialize with guys who are praying for someone who looks like you. At my church, given it's demographic and pattern of fiancee/wife selection, I'm not high on the most desired list. In fact, I'm probably near the bottom. I know this. That's not a diss on them. That doesn't make them bad. This doesn't mean I'm not beautiful, or worthy of love. I so am, thankyouverymuch. The guys I'm around at church (I'm guessing)just don't think so. God gave me legs, so I made an effort to GO and socialize with guys who just might find me attractive.

Hey, Church Friends: Please Read this Apology

This is my heartfelt apology to those (esp. church friends) who have misunderstood where I'm coming from.

Let me clarify my heart a little bit.


I'm really sorry to my church friends and leadership who felt like I was singling them out, or criticizing them. My pastor, who I truly respect and have mad (godly) love for, felt like I was taking at a stab at him or the church (or something to that effect) I see why he could feel that way. That was never my intention. I've repented, I'm truly sorry for causing him to be uneasy. I believe it's godly to honor and respect our leadership. I believe that after a lengthy heart to heart convo, he and his soon to be bride understand my intentions a lot more. Others in church read the posts and took them to be a bitter criticism of our church. It's not a bitter criticism of our church or our leadership. I really love my church. After all, I'm there. I could choose to go to any church in the county, but I'm at our church. I'm plugged in and active in church classes. I host cell group in my apartment (something I truly feel blessed and honored to do), I'm in the music ministry. If I was really against our church, I would have just left it long ago. I've made friendships with many girls and we hang out sometimes. This blog is my observation of things I've seen from churches all over the country.

I'm being intentionally controversial. That's the whole point. I want people thinking and praying about Christian dating in a whole new way. That's why I say things like,"Is your church standing the way of you getting a mate?" I could have called that post something far more innocuous like: "Why arent there coed cell groups?" But no. I'm pushing the envelope because I really want people to think, to rightly divide the Word of God, to separate man's word from God's when it comes to dating. So yes, I pick words that make people say, "What? No way! What does she mean by that?" That's why I named the article "Sexy Church." It stands out, it begs to be read. The point of the title, the pics, and frequent use of the word "sexy"were meant to grab the reader's attention. The point of the post, however, is illustrate the need for men, and single men play in the future of the church, to show that we need to especially be seeking out and attracting young single men to church, and the role they play in the future of the church.
Some were offended at me calling my Christian brothers chubby, nerdy, etc. Christ came to seek and save the lost, not seek and save the cool people of this world. What if a guy had written the same thing about church girls and had pics of Beyonce and Jessica Alba on it? Well, one guy did. I meant no disrespect. All of the guys I know are pretty cool. But yes, I did choose a pretty controversial way of illustrating the alarming disparity between the amount single men and the amount of single women in churches today.

To all of my church friends: I will probably continue to be controversial on purpose. That's something that I like to do.That's my style. But I hope that you realize it's not directed at our church or any individual. I have mad love for all you guys and everyone in our church. If I truly had an issue with someone, I wouldn't publish a blog and invite all of you guys to read about it. I wouldn't put my name and email address here.

I'm learning. I'm trying to figure all of this out. I'm making edits. I will probably use more perspicacity and wisdom in word choices and tone. I will stay in prayer, seeking, learning, growing and sharing. I hope that you'll join me in this journey. I'm not always right, but I will redress topics as things are brought to my attention.

If you want to know something, please leave a message. It's anonymous! (I won't know who you are unless you want me to; even if it asks for you email address, I can't see it.)

Love and Nappiness,

RDH