Sexy Church part II: Ladies, be hot!

Sexy Church, part II: Ladies, be hot!

1 Samuel 16:7 - "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (NIV)

“You really seem to put a lot of emphasis on looks on your blog. What about character, personality? Looks aren’t the only the only thing that matter.”—Anonymous Comment

I agree with the anonymous comment. Looks aren’t the only thing that matter. But when it comes to getting a Christian man, Looks aren’t the only thing that matter: Looks are what matter MOST with a Christian guy.

I know, I know. If you’re anything like me, you were taught to be pure, holy, and modest and to ignore outward beauty. Pure, holy, modest were the characteristics that Christian guys look for most, according to every church person I’ve ever known. They never mentioned anything about being hot. Look nice, maybe, but not hot. In fact, be sure not to be hot, because that’s what women “of the world” are like.


So many Christian girls are taught to be holy, pure, perfect, all of that. I’ve read many articles and such that really stress the importance of not conforming to the world’s standard of beauty, and how we should mostly focus on the inner beauty and our inward selves. Many Christian girls get the wrong message that looks mean nothing- and never cultivate a sense of stylishness. People who adhere to the “looks don’t matter” school of Christian womanhood often cite: Proverbs 31:30 - "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."(NIV)
I don’t think this scripture is saying to NOT be beautiful.

Having inner beauty is wonderful. But none of that will matter to a Christian guy if you don’t look good. You can be the holiest girl in church, but if you don’t look good to the Christian guy, then you probably will remain single until you start looking better.

So many Christian guys date and marry girls from outside of church. Why? Because a lot church girls aren't as attractive as the girls outside of it. I spoke to a Christian guy who says so many girls in church could look better, but just don't bother. "It's like they don't even try to look good. I'm praying for a woman is godly and who looks good to me. I'm not saying that you have to look like Beyonce, but effort is very important.


The first thing that Christian guys look for is a beautiful, hot, girl. Who also happens to be Christian. Don’t believe me?

Ask any Christian guy who’s in love and say, “Hey there, Christian brother. What attracted you to her?” He might say her godliness or something. But church has lots of godly women. So why her and not one of the other multitudes of single women at church? Chances are, he chose the hottest girl that he could get. He might not readily admit it, he might not be totally aware of it, but looks are number one. This previous weekend, I met 2 newly engaged couples from a megachurch. If you’ve been reading my blog, then I don’t even have to break down the demographics of the girls who got engaged. Church guys pick the hottest Christian girl that they can get-plain and simple. Their definition of ‘hot’ depends on their culture.

Think about it.
Look at every young, male minister, pastor, church leader who has a girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. What do they look like? I’ve never seen a cute church leader guy with an overweight, single mother, not cute by whatever cultural standards they live by girl. At my church, there are a few young church leader guys who are still single.
My guess is, they’ll marry a similar type of girl that all of the other church leaders in my church have married: single, slender Sprites, who are 5+ years younger. That’s the dominant culture of my church, so I imagine that the single guys will continue the trend. That’s kind of how things go. If you fit that mold, then you don’t have much to worry about. But if you look around your church, and you don’t fit the size, racial, cultural, age, and educational demographic of the people who are getting married, then you need to:
A. Get a makeover
B. Hit up the gym
C. Socialize with some people who marry your race (if race is an issue)
D. Socialize with guys who are more educated than you

I’ve always been a non-conformist by nature. So it’s a little strange to preach conformity to societal norms, especially in the areas of how a woman should think or behave. My style would be described unconventional, quirky, and unique. I saw my style as an expression of my artistic creativity, and felt like it expressed who I “truly was.” And guess what? I was single. Painfully single and confused. “Hey! How come no guy appreciates my quirky style?” I’d see lots of quirky girls with boyfriends, so I didn’t understand. But then, it kinda hit me on the head: I’m a Coke quirky girl. Most quirky guys are Sprites. Sprite guys usually don’t pursue relationships with Coke girls. The six quirky Coke guys that are out there are with quirky Sprite girls. Come to think of it, except for Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz, I’d never seen a quirky Coke couple ever in my life! At all of the rock concerts, used bookstores, off the wall coffee shops, poetry slams, and art festivals-had I even seen a quirky Coke girl with a guy? Hmmm…

Maybe if I changed my style up, I would get guys’ interest?

Guess what happened? I changed my style; I got more guys’ interest. Well, I changed a lot more than my style, but more on that later. Goodbye, Chuck Taylors! Auf Wiedersehen, band t-shirts! Hello contact lenses, and Forever 21! I found a style that worked for my body shape. It was about a year long process of changing my style. And you know what? I really like it. I feel like I’m looking much more stylish and pretty, and expressing my creative side as well.


Many Christian girls never cultivate a sense of stylishness because they’ve been taught that doing so is the antithesis of serving God. On about.com guide for Christian teens:
I read this:
Yet, we need to keep appearance in perspective. The Bible tells us that it is important to present ourselves as nicely as possible, but God does not call us to go to extremes. It is important that we remain aware of why we do the things we do to look good. Ask yourself two questions:
· Does your focus on your appearance take your eyes off the Lord?
· Are you more focused on your weight, clothes, or makeup than you are on God?
If you answered, "Yes," to either of the questions then you may need to take a closer look at your priorities. The Bible tells us to look closer at our hearts and actions rather than our presentation and appearance.
It’s a good message for teenage girls to hear. But I’m not talking to teenage girls, I’m talking to grown women who desire and are ready for a godly husband. Maybe you were one of those girls (like me) who didn’t really cultivate a sense of style as a teen because you we’re trying to be holy. Let me shock you: You can be a holy woman of God and look stylish, chic, and dare I say it-sexy! There are quite a few girls at my church who dress in modern, cute styles and who always look fly. But then there are those who don’t. I was one of the “don’ts” for a long time.

The point is, if you want to attract Christian guys (but haven’t been able to) then you may have let some things go and adapt a more stylish, hot, approach to your style. I don’t care if you love long floral print skirts. If you really want your Facebook status to say “in a relationship” then you may have to trade those in for some skinny jeans and boots. I don’t care if you’ve worn your hair in the same-old bland ponytail since 6th grade or whatever. I don’t care if you’ve never dyed your hair, worn contacts, or make up. Now’s the time to change up!

Don’t cling to those things that you consider your identity. Your identity is in Christ. So look stylish, young, cool, and hot! I’m not telling you to dress seductively, revealing, or suggestively. But if you can look a whole lot better, go for it! If you would lose 10 pounds for your wedding day, why not give yourself a head start? Lose 10 pounds like, now.

That’s what a Christian guy wants-he wants to be able to look at you like you’re a blessing from God. Do you look Heaven-sent? If not, now’s the time to change!

Looks are what draw the Christian guy to you. There should be more to you than your looks. Don’t make the mistake of underestimating the importance of your appearance!
Bait that hook ladies and look your hottest!

Love,
RDH