Christian Dating Myths Debunked

Christian Dating Myth #107:
"You can serve God more as a single woman than when you're married."

TRUTH:
The truth is, in church world, you are more respected, taken more seriously and given more and better opportunities to serve, socialize, lead, and minister if you are married to some visibly Christian guy.

You've probably heard that myth before. It's the thing that Sis. Jenkins and Bro. Joe use to encourage singles and make us feel better about not being married (yet).

Sure, singles have more time on their hands (theoretically) to serve. It's like, "You're single. Of course you can work in the nursery for 4 services a weekend. After all, you don't have any kids or husband to tend to at home." So in that sense yes, singles could serve more. I'm thinking in terms of elevation and promotion. If there's a leadership or speaking opportunity available, time and time again at many churches I've seen across the nation, the preference is given to the MCG (Married to a Christian Guy) chick.

I call that statement a myth because I've noticed that in churches all over the country, married women get preferential treatment in terms of ministry, serving, and leadership over single women. There is a total stigma in being a single woman who wants to minister and lead in the church. At many churches, single women are relegated to background roles behind the married ones. (if they are permitted to lead at all) If you aspire to be at the highest level of leadership and servitude in the church, then some Christian brother had better have put a ring on it.

Some churches allow single women to lead. I know of a *former female classmate who had degrees in Pastoral Care and Biblical Studies from one of the country's best Christian universities. After graduation, she was hired to be on staff as some kind of minister. She was single at the time, but noticed once she got engaged and married to another young minister, her stock went through the roof. She found that she gained much more respect and opportunities for speaking and ministering. She also got to enter a social circle that she wasn't privy to before: the minster's wives clubs. She got to go to outings with "the girls" and get lots of mentorship, love, care and advice that she didn't get as a single. People seemed generally friendlier, warmer and nicer to her. She and her now husband got invited to socialize with the other minister's couples. Such invitations in her single past were few, unless it was for babysitting. It was like: "Now that you're married to someone we accept, we can now accept you. Now you can come join us at the big table for a meal."In the church world, her engagement and marriage elevated her ministerial opportunities, social status, and overall reception as a human being.

Sure, singles have more time on their hands (theoretically) to serve. It's like, "You're single. Of course you can work in the nursery for 4 services a weekend. After all, you don't have any kids or husband to tend to at home." So in that sense yes, singles can serve more. But I'm thinking in terms of elevation and promotion. If there's a leadership or speaking opportunity available, time and time again at many churches I've seen across the nation, the preference is given to the MCG (Married to a Christian Guy) chick.

I know of a few single women who are desirous and prayerful/holy enough to say, lead a mission trip to Argentina.(Not that i want to do that, because I so do not...)But few churches would ever give that opportunity to a single girl, or even 6 or 7 single girls with PhDs in Divinity. That position would go to a guy (married or not), or a married couple. But probably not a single (or army of) single girl(s). My heart really goes out to all of these anointed, gifted, on fire, godly, sold-out, passionate, single women who could be using their God-given gifts in more effective ways for the Kingdom. Instead of leading the way on the battlefield, they're in the nursery 8 services a weekend--till they get MCG, that is.

Sis. Jenkins and Bro. Joe need to get real and tell singles the real deal. Being single in the church can be incredibly disadvantageous. Sure, you work the nursery for 18 services a weekend, but there are so many singles who yearn for something much deeper. The truth is, in church world, you are more respected, taken more seriously, and given more and better opportunities to socialize, serve, lead, and minister if you are married to some visibly Christian guy. My question is, is that biblical? If you have some insight on it, let me know. :)

RDH


*certain identifying details have been changed to protect anonymity.

Hi, and welcome to my dating blog!

Hey, everyone.

Welcome to my first blog. Glad you're here.

So what's this whole thing about?

It all began with a question: why?

I know so many attractive, accomplished, hardworking, compassionate women who are hoping, praying, and longing for a man. Despite their stellar beauty, outstanding credentials, and superb character, they cannot seem to get a great guy. Then, there are my church friends, who are also excellent in their own ways, have and get in relationships, heck, married even, with ease. So what's the difference between haves and have nots?

I kept asking and seeking, and I've discovered so much. I read books, articles,interviews. I felt that the authors meant well, but they are all not answering a single question. HOW?

There's a wealth of information on what to do once you get in a relationship, but very little info on HOW to get in a relationship. The general consensus seems to be that as a Christian woman, you just kinda pray, wait, and just hope that some random hot, new minister somehow gets the hots for you. I know because that's what I did for years and years with zero dating success.

My ideas that I've shared have angered some, and liberated others.
This blog is a how to, tell all, get real, get serious about love, marriage and singleness. Not just you know, being "happy and single," but getting out of singleness. This blog will give you new, exciting, revolutionary ideas about Christian dating.
Questions that I have:

• Is marriage a merit based system? That is, when a girl finally loves God with all of her heart, God will grant her a man. I seem to hear this idea a lot. Is this Biblical?
• Why is it that only certain cultural demographics of women are getting married in my church?
• Is there really a such thing as "helping God out" in the search for a mate?

Drop me a note, say hello, share your frustrations, hopes. Do you have questions about love and dating that you feel that pastors, dating books, and friends haven't been able to answer?

Get ready to have hope, take heart and take action, ladies!

Love,

RDH