Bringing Sexy Back to the Church; Why the Future of the Church Depends Sexy, Manly Guys Like This (Well, kinda)

Are there a bunch of guys at your church who look like this? Probably not. Why the future of the church may just depend on getting young, attractive, single guys to get saved, attend church, and get active!

I invited my boyfriend to my church's monthly young adult service. I was hoping that the young adult service, with its light show, edgy, rocking music, youtube clips, and modern multimedia presentation would draw him in and give him a more positive church experience. You know, one that would help him relate to the gospel more, get him excited about going to church, and encourage him to strengthen his walk with God. I was hoping that he'd meet some or at least one cool guy to relate to, and be interested in going to a male cell group meeting.

After the service I asked him how he felt about the service.

"It was fine," He said, with much less enthusiasm than I hoped.

"Did you like the music?"

"Yeah, I really liked the music."

"The little videos they showed to illustrate the message?" I asked.

"Yeah, they were cool, too."

"So, what was it that you didn't like?" I really wanted to get to the bottom of his discontent.

"Well, it was the guys."
The guys? What? He went on to explain that every guy he saw was "nerdy, churchy, and chubby." He said that there were a few guys who seemed cool, or potentially fun to be around. He had struck up a nice convo with a named Chris about English League soccer. But the majority of the church guys, to him, anyways, didn't seem cool, relateable, or the type of guys he wanted to hang around, get to know, or join a cell group with. I was about to argue and say, "No, that's not true, there are TONS of cool guys!" And sure, there are cool guys, I don't mean to diss my brothers in the church, but I did see the point he was making. Churches in general, aren't filled to brim with single, sexy, manly guys. There def. seems to be way more single young women than single young men.

I was reading this article on Christianitytoday.com and it was talking about how single guys especially 20something single guys, avoid church because they feel like there's nothing for them. If they return, they return as married men. I read some stat that said there's aprox. 11 million saved single guys in church, and 13 million single girls. What does that mean? 2 million unpaired women. So...what can churches do?

I say we need to a sexy, cool missionary team whose ONLY goal is to recruit sexy, cool single guys. If we don't get more single guys in the church, a generation from now the Church won't grow. The 2 million girls won't marry, and that's 2 million families (let's say, 3.5 million children) who won't exist, who won't grow up in Christian households and grow up to beget more Christian kids and so on and so on and so on. Because if sexy, cool guys are around, new guys will be like, "Yeah, that's where I want to be. These guys seem really cool." Just like my BF would have said. We need more single guys in the church, period. Cool, uncool, attractive, or what have you. The hot, cool, manly guys aren't for the girls, per se, but their for the guys. My thought is that we have a higher number of sexy guys, then they will attract more regular guys with their cool manliness. I don't think the 2 million single girls are praying for Mr. Abercrombie model, or Sonny from Madea Goes to Jail. But their presence would encourage the good, regular everyday guy.

The future of the Church depends on what we do now.

Our young adult events are mostly designed by young women who grew up in the church. Last year, young adult social events included, a scavenger hunt, 2 bonfires ,and ice skating. ICE SKATING. Single, sexy, saved guys (0r guys that may want to get saved) love ice skating, right? I've seen many a cute young, single guy go down to the altar for altar call. And then, I never see them again. I never see them in the young adult service. I never see them at the young adult bonfire, or scavenger hunts. The guys who go to those events are, from what I can tell, the guys who were born into the church, or at least got there long before they were twentysomethings.


We need events that will be fun, exciting, and manly. I'm not a single, sexy, cool dude, but if I was, I probably wouldn't want to go ice skating. I might want to go paintballing, or skydiving, drag racing, camping, hunting, attending sporting events, arm wrestling, BMX riding, etc. I have no idea what Manly McBoydude things there are to do, but not ICE SKATING.

Our church leaders probably don't know how dire the situation is. Our church leaders are all married, and their adult children are, too.

So, ladies and fellas, encourage your church leaders, pastors, elders, etc. to minister, attract to the sexy, cool ,lost young guys of the world. Encourage (somehow) the guys that are in church to look and be cooler, so that they'll attract the hot guys of the world. The future of the Church depends on it!

Tell me what you think!

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16.

DON'T seek and you shall find

"I think that God blessed me with my mate the second that I stopped looking. So the key to getting a mate is to just stop looking."

Have you heard statements like this before?

I know I have. I'll ask Christian married or engaged couples how it all started for them, and often they'll answer with a similar response. I began thinking about it in depth.

I'm not sure that the key to getting in a relationship is "quit looking." In no other area of life is the "quit looking" principle of finding something logical or successful. I call this the "leprechaun theory." You know because according to lore, you'll never find a leprechaun if you look for one. You have to just wait for it to pop and find you. I tend not to believe that the will of God is like a leprechaun.

If I lose my car keys and have somewhere that I need to go, I'm going to keep looking for them. In fact, depending upon the urgency with which I need to get to my destination, I'm going to start searching harder. I'm going to get my family and friends in on the search, too.

If I lose a hundred dollar bill, and I need that money for a bill, I'm going to look for it and search till I find it. I'm not going to stop and wait for the wind to blow it to me. That $100 is valuable, and there's a good chance that someone else wants it, too. The last thing that I'm going to do is "quit looking to find" my lost money. I might temporarily suspend my search if I grow frustrated, but once my head is clear, I'm going to resume the search.

Because for me, the depth and thoroughness of my search depends up on the value that I place on object that I'm trying to obtain. Since my $100 and car keys are very valuable to me, I'm going to keep searching and searching.

For many Christian young adults, our desire to marry a Christian mate and have a family is second only in importance to our relationship with God. If marriage is a beautiful institution designed by God to fulfill His purpose in our lives, if it brings glory and honor to God, shouldn't we be doing all we can to seek it? How is pretending that we don't want it, and trying avoid praying for it going to help?

The "quit looking to find" idea isn't Biblical. In fact it's the exact opposite. For example, Philipians 4:6 says : Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer, petition and thanksgiving, present your requests to God. If dating or marriage is our earnest prayer before God, then we ought to be praying,petitioning, and praising God for our mate. We should certainly avoid being anxious about it, but we should be praying for our mate and thanking God for him or her and their imminent arrival in your life.

Matthew 7:7 Ask, seek, knock. Jesus says that we should be asking, seeking, and knocking. Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. The Bible doesn't say "DON'T seek it and you shall find." The Bible says, SEEK and you shall find. It doesnt say, "Except for you, ladies. In your case, don't seek and you will get a husband." If the same principle of SEEKING=FINDING works with everything else in life-whether it's finding car keys, a hundred dollar bill, or a job-I really don't see how SEEKING=FINDING somehow is wrong when it comes to dating, love, and relationships.

If you have been trying to "quit looking to find" with no success, then maybe seeking, that is, taking steps to meet and socialize with potential mates might be worth trying to do.

Tell me what you think!

Hi, and welcome to my dating blog!

Hey, everyone.

Welcome to my first blog. Glad you're here.

So what's this whole thing about?

It all began with a question: why?

I know so many attractive, accomplished, hardworking, compassionate women who are hoping, praying, and longing for a man. Despite their stellar beauty, outstanding credentials, and superb character, they cannot seem to get a great guy. Then, there are my church friends, who are also excellent in their own ways, have and get in relationships, heck, married even, with ease. So what's the difference between haves and have nots?

I kept asking and seeking, and I've discovered so much. I read books, articles,interviews. I felt that the authors meant well, but they are all not answering a single question. HOW?

There's a wealth of information on what to do once you get in a relationship, but very little info on HOW to get in a relationship. The general consensus seems to be that as a Christian woman, you just kinda pray, wait, and just hope that some random hot, new minister somehow gets the hots for you. I know because that's what I did for years and years with zero dating success.

My ideas that I've shared have angered some, and liberated others.
This blog is a how to, tell all, get real, get serious about love, marriage and singleness. Not just you know, being "happy and single," but getting out of singleness. This blog will give you new, exciting, revolutionary ideas about Christian dating.
Questions that I have:

• Is marriage a merit based system? That is, when a girl finally loves God with all of her heart, God will grant her a man. I seem to hear this idea a lot. Is this Biblical?
• Why is it that only certain cultural demographics of women are getting married in my church?
• Is there really a such thing as "helping God out" in the search for a mate?

Drop me a note, say hello, share your frustrations, hopes. Do you have questions about love and dating that you feel that pastors, dating books, and friends haven't been able to answer?

Get ready to have hope, take heart and take action, ladies!

Love,

RDH