Bringing Sexy Back to the Church; Why the Future of the Church Depends Sexy, Manly Guys Like This (Well, kinda)

Are there a bunch of guys at your church who look like this? Probably not. Why the future of the church may just depend on getting young, attractive, single guys to get saved, attend church, and get active!

I invited my boyfriend to my church's monthly young adult service. I was hoping that the young adult service, with its light show, edgy, rocking music, youtube clips, and modern multimedia presentation would draw him in and give him a more positive church experience. You know, one that would help him relate to the gospel more, get him excited about going to church, and encourage him to strengthen his walk with God. I was hoping that he'd meet some or at least one cool guy to relate to, and be interested in going to a male cell group meeting.

After the service I asked him how he felt about the service.

"It was fine," He said, with much less enthusiasm than I hoped.

"Did you like the music?"

"Yeah, I really liked the music."

"The little videos they showed to illustrate the message?" I asked.

"Yeah, they were cool, too."

"So, what was it that you didn't like?" I really wanted to get to the bottom of his discontent.

"Well, it was the guys."
The guys? What? He went on to explain that every guy he saw was "nerdy, churchy, and chubby." He said that there were a few guys who seemed cool, or potentially fun to be around. He had struck up a nice convo with a named Chris about English League soccer. But the majority of the church guys, to him, anyways, didn't seem cool, relateable, or the type of guys he wanted to hang around, get to know, or join a cell group with. I was about to argue and say, "No, that's not true, there are TONS of cool guys!" And sure, there are cool guys, I don't mean to diss my brothers in the church, but I did see the point he was making. Churches in general, aren't filled to brim with single, sexy, manly guys. There def. seems to be way more single young women than single young men.

I was reading this article on Christianitytoday.com and it was talking about how single guys especially 20something single guys, avoid church because they feel like there's nothing for them. If they return, they return as married men. I read some stat that said there's aprox. 11 million saved single guys in church, and 13 million single girls. What does that mean? 2 million unpaired women. So...what can churches do?

I say we need to a sexy, cool missionary team whose ONLY goal is to recruit sexy, cool single guys. If we don't get more single guys in the church, a generation from now the Church won't grow. The 2 million girls won't marry, and that's 2 million families (let's say, 3.5 million children) who won't exist, who won't grow up in Christian households and grow up to beget more Christian kids and so on and so on and so on. Because if sexy, cool guys are around, new guys will be like, "Yeah, that's where I want to be. These guys seem really cool." Just like my BF would have said. We need more single guys in the church, period. Cool, uncool, attractive, or what have you. The hot, cool, manly guys aren't for the girls, per se, but their for the guys. My thought is that we have a higher number of sexy guys, then they will attract more regular guys with their cool manliness. I don't think the 2 million single girls are praying for Mr. Abercrombie model, or Sonny from Madea Goes to Jail. But their presence would encourage the good, regular everyday guy.

The future of the Church depends on what we do now.

Our young adult events are mostly designed by young women who grew up in the church. Last year, young adult social events included, a scavenger hunt, 2 bonfires ,and ice skating. ICE SKATING. Single, sexy, saved guys (0r guys that may want to get saved) love ice skating, right? I've seen many a cute young, single guy go down to the altar for altar call. And then, I never see them again. I never see them in the young adult service. I never see them at the young adult bonfire, or scavenger hunts. The guys who go to those events are, from what I can tell, the guys who were born into the church, or at least got there long before they were twentysomethings.


We need events that will be fun, exciting, and manly. I'm not a single, sexy, cool dude, but if I was, I probably wouldn't want to go ice skating. I might want to go paintballing, or skydiving, drag racing, camping, hunting, attending sporting events, arm wrestling, BMX riding, etc. I have no idea what Manly McBoydude things there are to do, but not ICE SKATING.

Our church leaders probably don't know how dire the situation is. Our church leaders are all married, and their adult children are, too.

So, ladies and fellas, encourage your church leaders, pastors, elders, etc. to minister, attract to the sexy, cool ,lost young guys of the world. Encourage (somehow) the guys that are in church to look and be cooler, so that they'll attract the hot guys of the world. The future of the Church depends on it!

Tell me what you think!

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16.

Is your church standing in the way of you getting a man?

Your church just might be standing in the way of you getting a mate.

You might say, “I don’t get it. I want a Christian mate, so church would be the best place to meet Christians. Right?”

WRONG!

Here’s why.

I’m involved and active in the young adult ministry at my culturally diverse megachurch (4000+ attend each weekend) in South Florida. I play guitar in the band, I host (single gendered) cell group at my apartment on Tuesday nights. I’ve known churches that separate home groups by age, or by topic, but this was the first time that I’d been involved in a single gendered group. I’ve known of churches to separate the genders when a sensitive topic is being discussed. I didn’t mind it, really. I’ve enjoyed the fellowship and friendship from the girls in my twentysomething cell group.

I asked why our church decided to separate the cell groups into gender specific groups. My group leader, who I’ll just call Anna, said, “Well, the [church] leaders don’t really want guys and girls coming together in cell groups because then girls might start focusing on the boys and that’s not what cell group is about.”

I kept my usually sarcastic opinion to myself. Separate Christian guys from Christian girls because the worst thing that could happen would be that they like each other and get married? Twentysomething Christian guys and girls getting married would be so catastrophic!

So basically my church leaders made a conscious and willful decision to prohibit guys and girls from socializing and communicating in safe setting. After the monthly young adult service, girls stand around with other girls talking about clothes and babies, and the guys stand around with the other guys talking about sports. I never see guys striking up a conversation with girls or vice versa.

There seems to be some unwritten rule that under no circumstances should you talk to a member of the opposite sex. Everyone just naturally seems to follow this rule. My church seems to have made friendly interaction between co-ed singles some sort of moral taboo to be avoided at all costs. It’s like red sirens and alarms blaring: DANGER! TALKING TO OTHER SINGLES IS DANGEROUS! WRONG! WRONG! This message is of course implicit and not plainly stated, but it’s a message that everyone seems to understand and follow.

For example, I tried talking to a guy once. I literally just asked his name and gave me a look that seemed like an uneasy mix of confusion, discomfort and fear.
“Uh, George,” he said nervously.
“Nice to meet you, George,” Sensing his unease, I smiled at him. I kinda felt sorry for the guy.
“Um, yeah.” He replied.

And that was that. I wasn’t trying to flirt or anything. I was just asking him his name. Now maybe my breath was terrible, or I had a booger in my nose and maybe that freaked him out. But I just seem to think he wasn't used to talking to girls at church. I'd only ever seen him surrounded by guys. Maybe if this guy had been interacting with girls on a regular basis in a cell group, you know, a controlled church setting, then maybe he wouldn’t have been so obviously freaked out by a greeting. I get what the leaders are trying to do: keep young adults safe from frivolous and harmful relationships. It's possible, as this instance with this guy indicates, that the practice of constant gender separation yields socially awkward young adults.

I’m not sure if everyone is just shy “I don’t know what I’d say!” or scared “I couldn’t possibly say hello to him!” Maybe my church is just filled with young adults who think it’s wrong or improper to start a conversation with a guy or gal. I can’t say, but I know that it’s going to be difficult to meet or talk to a guy or gal if your church seems opposed to situations (i.e.; co-ed cell groups) in which you might actually meet or talk to a single gal or guy.



What do you think? Does your church have rules that actually prevent guys and girls from socializing?

Hi, and welcome to my dating blog!

Hey, everyone.

Welcome to my first blog. Glad you're here.

So what's this whole thing about?

It all began with a question: why?

I know so many attractive, accomplished, hardworking, compassionate women who are hoping, praying, and longing for a man. Despite their stellar beauty, outstanding credentials, and superb character, they cannot seem to get a great guy. Then, there are my church friends, who are also excellent in their own ways, have and get in relationships, heck, married even, with ease. So what's the difference between haves and have nots?

I kept asking and seeking, and I've discovered so much. I read books, articles,interviews. I felt that the authors meant well, but they are all not answering a single question. HOW?

There's a wealth of information on what to do once you get in a relationship, but very little info on HOW to get in a relationship. The general consensus seems to be that as a Christian woman, you just kinda pray, wait, and just hope that some random hot, new minister somehow gets the hots for you. I know because that's what I did for years and years with zero dating success.

My ideas that I've shared have angered some, and liberated others.
This blog is a how to, tell all, get real, get serious about love, marriage and singleness. Not just you know, being "happy and single," but getting out of singleness. This blog will give you new, exciting, revolutionary ideas about Christian dating.
Questions that I have:

• Is marriage a merit based system? That is, when a girl finally loves God with all of her heart, God will grant her a man. I seem to hear this idea a lot. Is this Biblical?
• Why is it that only certain cultural demographics of women are getting married in my church?
• Is there really a such thing as "helping God out" in the search for a mate?

Drop me a note, say hello, share your frustrations, hopes. Do you have questions about love and dating that you feel that pastors, dating books, and friends haven't been able to answer?

Get ready to have hope, take heart and take action, ladies!

Love,

RDH