Friday, January 27, 2012
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Are you praying the wrong prayer?
If you do what you've what always done, you'll get what you always got.
Should you be praying for your mate? Most definitely. Like I've said before, prayer is only part of the equation, so let's discuss the prayer aspect.
For example...The common prayer is "Lord, send me a husband." That's what I prayed. It can be more elaborate, and filled with more adjectives: "Lord, send me a tall, nice, rich, saved, fun, kind, etc. but the prayer remains the same. I imagine that's the same prayers many single people are praying the world over.
How's that working out? If you've been praying the same prayer for years and years and to no avail, maybe it's time to try something new.
Pray a new prayer, and try something new. We'll get to the "try something new" part later. But for now, let's start with the prayer.
How do people get married? If movies are any indication, this is how it works:
1. boy meets girl
2.boy gets girl
3.boy asks girls to marry him
4. girl says yes
5. happily ever after
So for the sake of argument, let's just say that this is how it works. What step are having problems with? Are you having a problem meeting guys? I know many a Christian girl say, "There just aren't any guys in my church that I like." or "There aren't any guys," or "There are a couple of guys at my church that I might be interested in, but they never talk to me." If you aren't meeting any guys, then that's a step 1 problem. You aren't meeting any new guys. Since it's very likely that the man you will marry will be a new guy, your whole "happily ever after" begins with you meeting a new guy. We keep praying for the step 5. Prayer wise, we totally ignore the whole process that gets us to step 5. So let's start with step 1.
Instead of "Lord, send my husband," why not start praying, "Lord, help me to meet new guys. Show me how to interact with new guys in ways that please you, show me how to be more appealing to the opposite sex. Show me how to be more social, friendly, and attractive."
Show me how to be more appealing and attractive? Yep. Guys, especially Christian guys, want a attractive girl. What "attractive" means is different for every guy, but it certainly won't hurt you to look and act more appealing. I'm not talking about being fake or ditzy; I'm simply talking about being a better looking and more appealing you. Even if you do somehow find yourself in a hot, single, saved guys convention, if they don't find you appealing, then no step 5 for you.
But if, you are being the most genuine, social, appealing, attractive self that you can be, then the guys you meet will be attracted to you. If they are attracted to you....Well, you get the idea.
Are you comfortable around guys? Can you hold, or better yet start, a conversation with a guy? Are you afraid of them? If you're afraid or uncomfortable, then there's another prayer you should be praying. There's this girl I know that goes to a church far from where I am. Far, far away. Anyway, this girl who's 23, that I know had a crush on a 24 year-old guy in her church. I asked her if she'd ever talked to him.
"Me? Talk to him? No way! What would I even say?" She said sheepishly.
"Didn't you go to the same college? He knows who you are, right?"
"Yeah, he does, but still. I just don't know what I'd say!"
"So talk to him once."
"I can't. You just don't understand!"
"What are you afraid of?"
"I dunno. I really don't know," she admitted.
My dear sister and friend is too paralyzed by a fear that she can't name to even talk to a Christian guy, a Christian guy who, by all accounts was friendly. A guy she went to college with! She's afraid, and doesn't even know why she's afraid. This fear definitely stands in the way of her step 1. God hasn't given her a spirit of fear, but of love power, and a sound mind. (2 Tim. 1:7) Her prayer then, should be: "Lord, help me to not be afraid. Lord, deliver me from my fear of hot guys."
But if, you are being the most genuine, social, appealing, attractive self that you can be, then the guys you meet will be attracted to you. If they are attracted to you....Well, you get the idea.
So, start with a step 1 prayer. What's the worse that could happen?
Friday, February 5, 2010
Watch Tough Love 1 and 2 on VH1.com
Hey everyone....
I love watching Tough Love on VH1! The season just ended last week, but you can watch every episode on VH1.com.
Why should you watch it? It's not a Christian show, but you should DEFINITELY watch this show if you are looking, hoping, and praying for love to come into your life.
The show really shows me the power of change in a woman's life. These girls went through an amazing emotional overhaul as they learned lessons about themselves, life, and love. The lessons that they learned are lessons that all women who are looking for love need to learn.
1. Why guys weren't attracted to them and what they could do to change their minds
Most Cgirls just think, "Oh, that guy's not attracted to me. Nothing I can do about that. Must not be God's will for me." The truth is, you can be more attractive. Learning about how Cguys perceive you (needy, desperate, stupid, too tough, nerdy, annoying, boring, etc.) and learning how to change that are keys to success in dating and love.
2. Issues that keep them from love
In Dating Boot Camp, host Steve Ward (who's a major cutie, btw) helped the girls confront issues in their past that stood in their way: forgiveness, self esteem, body issues, abuse, relationships with their fathers, previous relationships, etc. Once they got down to it, they really grew. Watching this has made me prayerfully confront issues of abuse and body issues that I've struggled with in my own life. I encourage you to do the same. Being saved and in church doesn't mean that you don't have serious issues that you need to confront and be healed from. Seeking help from a trained professional or support group are excellent ways to let go and let God. See if your church has any such classes.
3. How not to be a total sleeve
Steve really took the girls based on their issues and helped them to improve. Golddigger Girl learned to appreciate guys for more than their money. Miss Closed Off learned to be open to love. Miss Tomboy learned not be one of the boys all of the time, etc. I could see little bits of myself in all of the girls on the show. Miss Judgmental learned to not be so judgmental. I used to think, "I've been saved since I was 11. I just don't have any of these issues." I was sooooo wrong. Just because you've been saved since you were 3 cells old doesn't mean you aren't a judgmental, tomboy, golddigger. Saved and beautiful as you are, you can have a myriad of issues that really affect your love life.
4. A change in attitude and behavior go a looooong way
I love watching the girls learn, grow, and change and get good guys. It's amazing to see all of the tiny ways in which their lives have changed for the better. I used to think that my dating fate was set in stone. If I wasn't getting guys, then there was nothing that I could do about it. Let me tell you: the devil is a liar! Watching these once hapless, needy, confused, man-less girls morph into confident, strong, honest women w/boyfriends inspired me. You too, can learn, change your behavior, and walk into the relationship(s) that God has for you.
Love is abundant,
RDH
I'm baaaaack....
Hey everyone!
It's been too long.
I've been thinking, writing, sharing...Just not typing. My last laptop was kaput. I've a brand-new used one so I'm ready to write again. Look for a ton of information in the upcoming days.....
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Christian Dating Myths Debunked
Christian Dating Myth #107:
"You can serve God more as a single woman than when you're married."
TRUTH:
The truth is, in church world, you are more respected, taken more seriously and given more and better opportunities to serve, socialize, lead, and minister if you are married to some visibly Christian guy.
You've probably heard that myth before. It's the thing that Sis. Jenkins and Bro. Joe use to encourage singles and make us feel better about not being married (yet).
Sure, singles have more time on their hands (theoretically) to serve. It's like, "You're single. Of course you can work in the nursery for 4 services a weekend. After all, you don't have any kids or husband to tend to at home." So in that sense yes, singles could serve more. I'm thinking in terms of elevation and promotion. If there's a leadership or speaking opportunity available, time and time again at many churches I've seen across the nation, the preference is given to the MCG (Married to a Christian Guy) chick.
I call that statement a myth because I've noticed that in churches all over the country, married women get preferential treatment in terms of ministry, serving, and leadership over single women. There is a total stigma in being a single woman who wants to minister and lead in the church. At many churches, single women are relegated to background roles behind the married ones. (if they are permitted to lead at all) If you aspire to be at the highest level of leadership and servitude in the church, then some Christian brother had better have put a ring on it.
Some churches allow single women to lead. I know of a *former female classmate who had degrees in Pastoral Care and Biblical Studies from one of the country's best Christian universities. After graduation, she was hired to be on staff as some kind of minister. She was single at the time, but noticed once she got engaged and married to another young minister, her stock went through the roof. She found that she gained much more respect and opportunities for speaking and ministering. She also got to enter a social circle that she wasn't privy to before: the minster's wives clubs. She got to go to outings with "the girls" and get lots of mentorship, love, care and advice that she didn't get as a single. People seemed generally friendlier, warmer and nicer to her. She and her now husband got invited to socialize with the other minister's couples. Such invitations in her single past were few, unless it was for babysitting. It was like: "Now that you're married to someone we accept, we can now accept you. Now you can come join us at the big table for a meal."In the church world, her engagement and marriage elevated her ministerial opportunities, social status, and overall reception as a human being.
Sure, singles have more time on their hands (theoretically) to serve. It's like, "You're single. Of course you can work in the nursery for 4 services a weekend. After all, you don't have any kids or husband to tend to at home." So in that sense yes, singles can serve more. But I'm thinking in terms of elevation and promotion. If there's a leadership or speaking opportunity available, time and time again at many churches I've seen across the nation, the preference is given to the MCG (Married to a Christian Guy) chick.
I know of a few single women who are desirous and prayerful/holy enough to say, lead a mission trip to Argentina.(Not that i want to do that, because I so do not...)But few churches would ever give that opportunity to a single girl, or even 6 or 7 single girls with PhDs in Divinity. That position would go to a guy (married or not), or a married couple. But probably not a single (or army of) single girl(s). My heart really goes out to all of these anointed, gifted, on fire, godly, sold-out, passionate, single women who could be using their God-given gifts in more effective ways for the Kingdom. Instead of leading the way on the battlefield, they're in the nursery 8 services a weekend--till they get MCG, that is.
Sis. Jenkins and Bro. Joe need to get real and tell singles the real deal. Being single in the church can be incredibly disadvantageous. Sure, you work the nursery for 18 services a weekend, but there are so many singles who yearn for something much deeper. The truth is, in church world, you are more respected, taken more seriously, and given more and better opportunities to socialize, serve, lead, and minister if you are married to some visibly Christian guy. My question is, is that biblical? If you have some insight on it, let me know. :)
RDH
*certain identifying details have been changed to protect anonymity.
"You can serve God more as a single woman than when you're married."
TRUTH:
The truth is, in church world, you are more respected, taken more seriously and given more and better opportunities to serve, socialize, lead, and minister if you are married to some visibly Christian guy.
You've probably heard that myth before. It's the thing that Sis. Jenkins and Bro. Joe use to encourage singles and make us feel better about not being married (yet).
Sure, singles have more time on their hands (theoretically) to serve. It's like, "You're single. Of course you can work in the nursery for 4 services a weekend. After all, you don't have any kids or husband to tend to at home." So in that sense yes, singles could serve more. I'm thinking in terms of elevation and promotion. If there's a leadership or speaking opportunity available, time and time again at many churches I've seen across the nation, the preference is given to the MCG (Married to a Christian Guy) chick.
I call that statement a myth because I've noticed that in churches all over the country, married women get preferential treatment in terms of ministry, serving, and leadership over single women. There is a total stigma in being a single woman who wants to minister and lead in the church. At many churches, single women are relegated to background roles behind the married ones. (if they are permitted to lead at all) If you aspire to be at the highest level of leadership and servitude in the church, then some Christian brother had better have put a ring on it.
Some churches allow single women to lead. I know of a *former female classmate who had degrees in Pastoral Care and Biblical Studies from one of the country's best Christian universities. After graduation, she was hired to be on staff as some kind of minister. She was single at the time, but noticed once she got engaged and married to another young minister, her stock went through the roof. She found that she gained much more respect and opportunities for speaking and ministering. She also got to enter a social circle that she wasn't privy to before: the minster's wives clubs. She got to go to outings with "the girls" and get lots of mentorship, love, care and advice that she didn't get as a single. People seemed generally friendlier, warmer and nicer to her. She and her now husband got invited to socialize with the other minister's couples. Such invitations in her single past were few, unless it was for babysitting. It was like: "Now that you're married to someone we accept, we can now accept you. Now you can come join us at the big table for a meal."In the church world, her engagement and marriage elevated her ministerial opportunities, social status, and overall reception as a human being.
Sure, singles have more time on their hands (theoretically) to serve. It's like, "You're single. Of course you can work in the nursery for 4 services a weekend. After all, you don't have any kids or husband to tend to at home." So in that sense yes, singles can serve more. But I'm thinking in terms of elevation and promotion. If there's a leadership or speaking opportunity available, time and time again at many churches I've seen across the nation, the preference is given to the MCG (Married to a Christian Guy) chick.
I know of a few single women who are desirous and prayerful/holy enough to say, lead a mission trip to Argentina.(Not that i want to do that, because I so do not...)But few churches would ever give that opportunity to a single girl, or even 6 or 7 single girls with PhDs in Divinity. That position would go to a guy (married or not), or a married couple. But probably not a single (or army of) single girl(s). My heart really goes out to all of these anointed, gifted, on fire, godly, sold-out, passionate, single women who could be using their God-given gifts in more effective ways for the Kingdom. Instead of leading the way on the battlefield, they're in the nursery 8 services a weekend--till they get MCG, that is.
Sis. Jenkins and Bro. Joe need to get real and tell singles the real deal. Being single in the church can be incredibly disadvantageous. Sure, you work the nursery for 18 services a weekend, but there are so many singles who yearn for something much deeper. The truth is, in church world, you are more respected, taken more seriously, and given more and better opportunities to socialize, serve, lead, and minister if you are married to some visibly Christian guy. My question is, is that biblical? If you have some insight on it, let me know. :)
RDH
*certain identifying details have been changed to protect anonymity.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
You're always on my mind!
Hey guys...
I haven't been posting here as much as I would like to. I've been exceptionally and wonderfully busy. Even with all of that, you're on my mind. I think about all of the single Christian people who don't have anyone for the holidays. I think about all of the young women who so geniunely await the day that they'll have children to decorate the tree with. I think about all of the single Christian guys who are passionately praying and hoping that someday soon, they'll have a sweetheart shower with presents.
All of these beautiful souls: prayerful, faithful, and serving, but yet longing, wistful, yearning, and lonely. When will it be my turn?
You are always on mind. I just wanted you to know that. I'm looking for a way to help you, to help all of us. Till then, Happy Holidays. This holiday season, I hope that you are surrounded by people who love you. I hope that you realize how truly awesome and beautiful your Heavenly Father made you. When inquiring minds want to know if you're seeing someone, and you're forced to give the reply that you'd really rather not, I hope you take it in stride with a smile. I hope you've been blessed. I hope you are asking your own questions. I hope you are prospering even as your soul prospers.
RDH
I haven't been posting here as much as I would like to. I've been exceptionally and wonderfully busy. Even with all of that, you're on my mind. I think about all of the single Christian people who don't have anyone for the holidays. I think about all of the young women who so geniunely await the day that they'll have children to decorate the tree with. I think about all of the single Christian guys who are passionately praying and hoping that someday soon, they'll have a sweetheart shower with presents.
All of these beautiful souls: prayerful, faithful, and serving, but yet longing, wistful, yearning, and lonely. When will it be my turn?
You are always on mind. I just wanted you to know that. I'm looking for a way to help you, to help all of us. Till then, Happy Holidays. This holiday season, I hope that you are surrounded by people who love you. I hope that you realize how truly awesome and beautiful your Heavenly Father made you. When inquiring minds want to know if you're seeing someone, and you're forced to give the reply that you'd really rather not, I hope you take it in stride with a smile. I hope you've been blessed. I hope you are asking your own questions. I hope you are prospering even as your soul prospers.
RDH
Friday, November 13, 2009
Sexy Church part II: Ladies, be hot!
Sexy Church, part II: Ladies, be hot!
1 Samuel 16:7 - "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (NIV)
“You really seem to put a lot of emphasis on looks on your blog. What about character, personality? Looks aren’t the only the only thing that matter.”—Anonymous Comment
I agree with the anonymous comment. Looks aren’t the only thing that matter. But when it comes to getting a Christian man, Looks aren’t the only thing that matter: Looks are what matter MOST with a Christian guy.
I know, I know. If you’re anything like me, you were taught to be pure, holy, and modest and to ignore outward beauty. Pure, holy, modest were the characteristics that Christian guys look for most, according to every church person I’ve ever known. They never mentioned anything about being hot. Look nice, maybe, but not hot. In fact, be sure not to be hot, because that’s what women “of the world” are like.
So many Christian girls are taught to be holy, pure, perfect, all of that. I’ve read many articles and such that really stress the importance of not conforming to the world’s standard of beauty, and how we should mostly focus on the inner beauty and our inward selves. Many Christian girls get the wrong message that looks mean nothing- and never cultivate a sense of stylishness. People who adhere to the “looks don’t matter” school of Christian womanhood often cite: Proverbs 31:30 - "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."(NIV)
I don’t think this scripture is saying to NOT be beautiful.
Having inner beauty is wonderful. But none of that will matter to a Christian guy if you don’t look good. You can be the holiest girl in church, but if you don’t look good to the Christian guy, then you probably will remain single until you start looking better.
So many Christian guys date and marry girls from outside of church. Why? Because a lot church girls aren't as attractive as the girls outside of it. I spoke to a Christian guy who says so many girls in church could look better, but just don't bother. "It's like they don't even try to look good. I'm praying for a woman is godly and who looks good to me. I'm not saying that you have to look like Beyonce, but effort is very important.
The first thing that Christian guys look for is a beautiful, hot, girl. Who also happens to be Christian. Don’t believe me?
Ask any Christian guy who’s in love and say, “Hey there, Christian brother. What attracted you to her?” He might say her godliness or something. But church has lots of godly women. So why her and not one of the other multitudes of single women at church? Chances are, he chose the hottest girl that he could get. He might not readily admit it, he might not be totally aware of it, but looks are number one. This previous weekend, I met 2 newly engaged couples from a megachurch. If you’ve been reading my blog, then I don’t even have to break down the demographics of the girls who got engaged. Church guys pick the hottest Christian girl that they can get-plain and simple. Their definition of ‘hot’ depends on their culture.
Think about it.
Look at every young, male minister, pastor, church leader who has a girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. What do they look like? I’ve never seen a cute church leader guy with an overweight, single mother, not cute by whatever cultural standards they live by girl. At my church, there are a few young church leader guys who are still single.
My guess is, they’ll marry a similar type of girl that all of the other church leaders in my church have married: single, slender Sprites, who are 5+ years younger. That’s the dominant culture of my church, so I imagine that the single guys will continue the trend. That’s kind of how things go. If you fit that mold, then you don’t have much to worry about. But if you look around your church, and you don’t fit the size, racial, cultural, age, and educational demographic of the people who are getting married, then you need to:
A. Get a makeover
B. Hit up the gym
C. Socialize with some people who marry your race (if race is an issue)
D. Socialize with guys who are more educated than you
I’ve always been a non-conformist by nature. So it’s a little strange to preach conformity to societal norms, especially in the areas of how a woman should think or behave. My style would be described unconventional, quirky, and unique. I saw my style as an expression of my artistic creativity, and felt like it expressed who I “truly was.” And guess what? I was single. Painfully single and confused. “Hey! How come no guy appreciates my quirky style?” I’d see lots of quirky girls with boyfriends, so I didn’t understand. But then, it kinda hit me on the head: I’m a Coke quirky girl. Most quirky guys are Sprites. Sprite guys usually don’t pursue relationships with Coke girls. The six quirky Coke guys that are out there are with quirky Sprite girls. Come to think of it, except for Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz, I’d never seen a quirky Coke couple ever in my life! At all of the rock concerts, used bookstores, off the wall coffee shops, poetry slams, and art festivals-had I even seen a quirky Coke girl with a guy? Hmmm…
Maybe if I changed my style up, I would get guys’ interest?
Guess what happened? I changed my style; I got more guys’ interest. Well, I changed a lot more than my style, but more on that later. Goodbye, Chuck Taylors! Auf Wiedersehen, band t-shirts! Hello contact lenses, and Forever 21! I found a style that worked for my body shape. It was about a year long process of changing my style. And you know what? I really like it. I feel like I’m looking much more stylish and pretty, and expressing my creative side as well.
Many Christian girls never cultivate a sense of stylishness because they’ve been taught that doing so is the antithesis of serving God. On about.com guide for Christian teens:
I read this:
Yet, we need to keep appearance in perspective. The Bible tells us that it is important to present ourselves as nicely as possible, but God does not call us to go to extremes. It is important that we remain aware of why we do the things we do to look good. Ask yourself two questions:
· Does your focus on your appearance take your eyes off the Lord?
· Are you more focused on your weight, clothes, or makeup than you are on God?
If you answered, "Yes," to either of the questions then you may need to take a closer look at your priorities. The Bible tells us to look closer at our hearts and actions rather than our presentation and appearance.
It’s a good message for teenage girls to hear. But I’m not talking to teenage girls, I’m talking to grown women who desire and are ready for a godly husband. Maybe you were one of those girls (like me) who didn’t really cultivate a sense of style as a teen because you we’re trying to be holy. Let me shock you: You can be a holy woman of God and look stylish, chic, and dare I say it-sexy! There are quite a few girls at my church who dress in modern, cute styles and who always look fly. But then there are those who don’t. I was one of the “don’ts” for a long time.
The point is, if you want to attract Christian guys (but haven’t been able to) then you may have let some things go and adapt a more stylish, hot, approach to your style. I don’t care if you love long floral print skirts. If you really want your Facebook status to say “in a relationship” then you may have to trade those in for some skinny jeans and boots. I don’t care if you’ve worn your hair in the same-old bland ponytail since 6th grade or whatever. I don’t care if you’ve never dyed your hair, worn contacts, or make up. Now’s the time to change up!
Don’t cling to those things that you consider your identity. Your identity is in Christ. So look stylish, young, cool, and hot! I’m not telling you to dress seductively, revealing, or suggestively. But if you can look a whole lot better, go for it! If you would lose 10 pounds for your wedding day, why not give yourself a head start? Lose 10 pounds like, now.
That’s what a Christian guy wants-he wants to be able to look at you like you’re a blessing from God. Do you look Heaven-sent? If not, now’s the time to change!
Looks are what draw the Christian guy to you. There should be more to you than your looks. Don’t make the mistake of underestimating the importance of your appearance!
Bait that hook ladies and look your hottest!
Love,
RDH
1 Samuel 16:7 - "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (NIV)
“You really seem to put a lot of emphasis on looks on your blog. What about character, personality? Looks aren’t the only the only thing that matter.”—Anonymous Comment
I agree with the anonymous comment. Looks aren’t the only thing that matter. But when it comes to getting a Christian man, Looks aren’t the only thing that matter: Looks are what matter MOST with a Christian guy.
I know, I know. If you’re anything like me, you were taught to be pure, holy, and modest and to ignore outward beauty. Pure, holy, modest were the characteristics that Christian guys look for most, according to every church person I’ve ever known. They never mentioned anything about being hot. Look nice, maybe, but not hot. In fact, be sure not to be hot, because that’s what women “of the world” are like.
So many Christian girls are taught to be holy, pure, perfect, all of that. I’ve read many articles and such that really stress the importance of not conforming to the world’s standard of beauty, and how we should mostly focus on the inner beauty and our inward selves. Many Christian girls get the wrong message that looks mean nothing- and never cultivate a sense of stylishness. People who adhere to the “looks don’t matter” school of Christian womanhood often cite: Proverbs 31:30 - "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."(NIV)
I don’t think this scripture is saying to NOT be beautiful.
Having inner beauty is wonderful. But none of that will matter to a Christian guy if you don’t look good. You can be the holiest girl in church, but if you don’t look good to the Christian guy, then you probably will remain single until you start looking better.
So many Christian guys date and marry girls from outside of church. Why? Because a lot church girls aren't as attractive as the girls outside of it. I spoke to a Christian guy who says so many girls in church could look better, but just don't bother. "It's like they don't even try to look good. I'm praying for a woman is godly and who looks good to me. I'm not saying that you have to look like Beyonce, but effort is very important.
The first thing that Christian guys look for is a beautiful, hot, girl. Who also happens to be Christian. Don’t believe me?
Ask any Christian guy who’s in love and say, “Hey there, Christian brother. What attracted you to her?” He might say her godliness or something. But church has lots of godly women. So why her and not one of the other multitudes of single women at church? Chances are, he chose the hottest girl that he could get. He might not readily admit it, he might not be totally aware of it, but looks are number one. This previous weekend, I met 2 newly engaged couples from a megachurch. If you’ve been reading my blog, then I don’t even have to break down the demographics of the girls who got engaged. Church guys pick the hottest Christian girl that they can get-plain and simple. Their definition of ‘hot’ depends on their culture.
Think about it.
Look at every young, male minister, pastor, church leader who has a girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. What do they look like? I’ve never seen a cute church leader guy with an overweight, single mother, not cute by whatever cultural standards they live by girl. At my church, there are a few young church leader guys who are still single.
My guess is, they’ll marry a similar type of girl that all of the other church leaders in my church have married: single, slender Sprites, who are 5+ years younger. That’s the dominant culture of my church, so I imagine that the single guys will continue the trend. That’s kind of how things go. If you fit that mold, then you don’t have much to worry about. But if you look around your church, and you don’t fit the size, racial, cultural, age, and educational demographic of the people who are getting married, then you need to:
A. Get a makeover
B. Hit up the gym
C. Socialize with some people who marry your race (if race is an issue)
D. Socialize with guys who are more educated than you
I’ve always been a non-conformist by nature. So it’s a little strange to preach conformity to societal norms, especially in the areas of how a woman should think or behave. My style would be described unconventional, quirky, and unique. I saw my style as an expression of my artistic creativity, and felt like it expressed who I “truly was.” And guess what? I was single. Painfully single and confused. “Hey! How come no guy appreciates my quirky style?” I’d see lots of quirky girls with boyfriends, so I didn’t understand. But then, it kinda hit me on the head: I’m a Coke quirky girl. Most quirky guys are Sprites. Sprite guys usually don’t pursue relationships with Coke girls. The six quirky Coke guys that are out there are with quirky Sprite girls. Come to think of it, except for Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz, I’d never seen a quirky Coke couple ever in my life! At all of the rock concerts, used bookstores, off the wall coffee shops, poetry slams, and art festivals-had I even seen a quirky Coke girl with a guy? Hmmm…
Maybe if I changed my style up, I would get guys’ interest?
Guess what happened? I changed my style; I got more guys’ interest. Well, I changed a lot more than my style, but more on that later. Goodbye, Chuck Taylors! Auf Wiedersehen, band t-shirts! Hello contact lenses, and Forever 21! I found a style that worked for my body shape. It was about a year long process of changing my style. And you know what? I really like it. I feel like I’m looking much more stylish and pretty, and expressing my creative side as well.
Many Christian girls never cultivate a sense of stylishness because they’ve been taught that doing so is the antithesis of serving God. On about.com guide for Christian teens:
I read this:
Yet, we need to keep appearance in perspective. The Bible tells us that it is important to present ourselves as nicely as possible, but God does not call us to go to extremes. It is important that we remain aware of why we do the things we do to look good. Ask yourself two questions:
· Does your focus on your appearance take your eyes off the Lord?
· Are you more focused on your weight, clothes, or makeup than you are on God?
If you answered, "Yes," to either of the questions then you may need to take a closer look at your priorities. The Bible tells us to look closer at our hearts and actions rather than our presentation and appearance.
It’s a good message for teenage girls to hear. But I’m not talking to teenage girls, I’m talking to grown women who desire and are ready for a godly husband. Maybe you were one of those girls (like me) who didn’t really cultivate a sense of style as a teen because you we’re trying to be holy. Let me shock you: You can be a holy woman of God and look stylish, chic, and dare I say it-sexy! There are quite a few girls at my church who dress in modern, cute styles and who always look fly. But then there are those who don’t. I was one of the “don’ts” for a long time.
The point is, if you want to attract Christian guys (but haven’t been able to) then you may have let some things go and adapt a more stylish, hot, approach to your style. I don’t care if you love long floral print skirts. If you really want your Facebook status to say “in a relationship” then you may have to trade those in for some skinny jeans and boots. I don’t care if you’ve worn your hair in the same-old bland ponytail since 6th grade or whatever. I don’t care if you’ve never dyed your hair, worn contacts, or make up. Now’s the time to change up!
Don’t cling to those things that you consider your identity. Your identity is in Christ. So look stylish, young, cool, and hot! I’m not telling you to dress seductively, revealing, or suggestively. But if you can look a whole lot better, go for it! If you would lose 10 pounds for your wedding day, why not give yourself a head start? Lose 10 pounds like, now.
That’s what a Christian guy wants-he wants to be able to look at you like you’re a blessing from God. Do you look Heaven-sent? If not, now’s the time to change!
Looks are what draw the Christian guy to you. There should be more to you than your looks. Don’t make the mistake of underestimating the importance of your appearance!
Bait that hook ladies and look your hottest!
Love,
RDH
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